Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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