There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
