i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
