i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
