If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
