Can i not drive my cunt home
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
