K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
