let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
