how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
