john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
