like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
