I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
