He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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