It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
