Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
