So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
