I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
