So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
