I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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