smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
