Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
