My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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