OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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