You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
