Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
