i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
