My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
