dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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