someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
