My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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