i permit you to call me
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
