Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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