I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
