Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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