Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
