Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
