I have demons in me.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
