standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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