she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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