I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
