Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i will never coherently bang her
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
