as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
