so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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