i think i have herpe
just one?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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