He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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