i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
