Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
