Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
