i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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