so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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