Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
