pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
