You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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