You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
